Play me NOW!, Volume 1: Burnt Out and Loving It

Burnout Paradise is the best game ever.

Now before I go any further, let me make a few things immediately clear. First, I in no way believe that Burnout Paradise is in FACT the best game ever. It is surely one of the better games of this console generation, definitely the best racer of 2008, possibly the best game in the Burnout series, and maybe among the top ten best racing games of all time. Maybe.

Second, Burnout Paradise is also far and away NOT my personal favorite game of all time. My favorite title that I downloaded off the PlayStation Network? Absolutely, followed closely by that Bionic Commando remake (I think "rearmed" was the punny subtitle). My favorite racing game? Quite possibly. But definitely not my person favorite game of all time. Definitely not.

Third, I am a superlatives whore (as my co-contributor wont hesitate to tell you). I LOVE superlatives. When I like something, it immediately becomes the best there is. You make me a tasty steak, it immediately becomes the "best steak EVER." If I go to a concert and thoroughly enjoyed my experience, I will assuredly tell all my friends that it was the "best show EVER." I am the anti-Comic Book Guy--well, besides my affinity for comic books. In short, superlatives are the best thing ever. So get used to it. And on that note, I return to my original premise...

Burnout Paradise is the best game ever, and there is one word I can use to sum up why: value. In these days of $300+ game systems, $60 games, and $40+ accessories (heck, the 360 WiFi adapter is $100!), gamers are forced to be ever more selective in the games they purchase. So, barring the existence of a tree that actually does grow money, the games we purchase must be weighed primarily on the "bang-for-the-buck" factor; in other words, the game's inherent value.

This is why I can't possibly comprehend these people who neglect to research the games they buy before shelling out the big bucks. In this day and age, where videogame reviews are readily available at sites like IGN and Gamespot, and are even amalgamated and averaged to give readers the "big picture" on sites like Gamestats and Metacritic, it is completely and utterly daft that anyone would go out and spend $50-60 on a title before seeing if it is worth the cash.

Now let's be clear: I know COUNTLESS people like this; PS3 owners who opted for MLB 2k9 (Metacritic average: 61/100) instead of the MLB 09: The Show (Metacritic average: 90/100), people who bought Kane and Lynch because the commercials just looked soooo bad ass, owners of ANY Sonic the Hedgehog title of this console generation (and the last, really), and other idiots of a similar flavor. Granted, critics are not always right. And sometimes an afinity for a certain genre will bump any score up a point or two. But when Gamespot, IGN, AND Gamepro all give Sonic and the Black Knight for Wii a 50% or lower, how can you possibly justify spending $50 on it? You wouldn't be happy with a 50% on an exam, would you? In fact, you should be infuriated with such a score. And I don't know about you, but the day I spend $50 to be infuriated is the day Super Mario jumps out of my television and proceeds to burn down my newly purchased color-coordinated drapes and bed spread with a freshly picked fire flower.

But back to my original premise: what grants a game "value?" Length? Replayability? Ingenious design? Jaw-dropping graphics? Tight controls? Enveloping atmosphere? Really, it is an amalgum of all these qualities, as a derth in any of these categories can result in frustration and anger, results not worth paying the big bucks for. What gamers are looking for these days is the whole package. And let it ring through the halls and be belted from the rooftops: Burnout Paradise is the whole package and then some (perhaps even the proverbial bag of potato chips).

Now I could spend another thirty paragraphs reciting in detail every feature and functionality of the title, but I already wrote nine, none of which discuss any real details about the game whatsoever. So in the interest of brevity and reader sanity, I'll boil it down to the basics. Four things give Burnout Paradise incredible value:

1. Longevity: The numbers say it all. To acquire the highest "license" in the game, you have to complete 210 of the game's visceral events. On top of that, their are many optional "side quests" to tackle, like busting all 120 billboards, smashing all 75 road blocks, and launching off all 50 Super Jump ramps. Add in 80+ different cars to collect and 300 online challenges to play with friends, and you have one game literally bursting with content (I didn't even mention the street-based "Burning Ride" time trials, the wreck-tacular "Showtime" challenges, and all of the downloadable content Criterion keeps adding). I played this game for weeks on end and still haven't found everything. If you are an achievement whore or a super-collector, this is the game for you.
   
2. Freedom: Paradise indeed. The entire game takes place on the large and diverse "Paradise Island."All of the events are open from the start and can be initiated by revving you engine at the many intersections that litter the island. They can be tackled in any order, or in reality, can't be left alone completely. The decision is entirely in the player's hands. Want to burn through all of the events as quickly as possible? Go for it. Want to hunt down those elusive Super Jump ramps? Do the damn thing. Want to see how long you can last driving at top speed through oncoming traffic? Hit it, daredevil. In Burnout Paradise, the world is wide open and waiting to be torn apart (that's what she said?)
   
3. Blistering speed: None of this would matter, however, if the game wasn't fun to play. But I assure you, "Fun" is Burnout Paradise's oft-laughed at middle name (it was originally Jarvis at birth, but he changed once he graduated high school because he thought "Fun" served more of a purpose and was less butler-esque). The cars in this game fly. Like, FLY. I've never before felt such a realistic sense of speed while playing a video game. And with great speed comes great crashes, and Burnout Paradise does not skimp on the nitty-gritty. When your car suffers a fatal crash at a high speed, the game will jump into a slow motion close-up, framing the incredible damage your vehicle suffers as it tumbles down the street. Even after acquiring my "Elite License," I still found it enthralling to simply drive around the island at break-neck speeds, pulling off masterful turns, hitting a super jump or two, and causing spectacular multiple-car pileups on the freeway akin to the opening scene of "Final Destination 2."
4. Price Tag: For all of this content and fun game play I would not shy away from paying the full $60 price tag. But prepare to drop your jaws: this game is currently available for $20! What's more, you can save yourself a trip to the local GameStop, because this title can be downloaded straight to your gaming platform via services like Direct2Drive, the Xbox Live Marketplace, or the Playstation Store. And for an extra $10, you can pick up the "Ultimate Box" edition, which includes all new motorcycle events and a party mode to play with your homies. People, this is value defined: loads of fun content for a teeny-tiny price.
   

If you are interested in more specifics about the game, check out the sites mentioned above for full reviews. But just know that if you are looking for value in every last video game-loving dollar, you need look nowhere else. Burnout Paradise is the real deal. Check it. Now I'm gonna go wreck it.