1.31.2010

Brick Broken

Dear anyone that owns a Blackberry (including myself),

You have made a wise decision which I support wholeheartedly. The iPhone can be very tempting, with its fancy bells and whistles and touted "user friendliness". However, once you move past the initial wow factor that results from rolling a pair of virtual dice by jostling your iPhone in a suggestively vulgar way, it becomes clear that the Blackberry is the choice for true phone functionality. Sure, a touchscreen is really cool. But I would never trade the tactile responsiveness of a trackball and hard keyboard for the coolness of an app that lets me toss a virtual ball of paper into a trash bin by dragging my finger across the screen. Maybe that's just me. Maybe.

Regardless of my extensive praise for the RIM devices, there is one part of the Blackberry experience, however, that is so incredibly overrated and overblown that it needs to once and for all be put in its place. I am talking of course about the revered "Brick Breaker" application.

First things first: this game is NOT revolutionary, new, or unique in any way, shape, or form. This genre of game all started in 1976 with Atari's arcade game "Breakout," and has been emulated thousands of times since in titles like "Arkanoid (picture)," "Quester," "DX Ball," and countless other iterations. That is not to say that these types of games are lame because they are old; some of the most popular game mechanics were pioneered in the fetal stages of the video game industry, and still stand up as worthwhile and addicting to this very day. The "Breakout" formula is no exception--just a month or so ago, a "Breakout"-esque game titled"Magic Ball" was released for download on the PlayStation Network, albeit with HD graphics and more advanced play mechanics (Metacritic Score: 66%). Still, I think it is important to first inform the masses of Blackberry owners who are first experiencing this type of game through "Brick Breaker" that it is far from unique, and is merely a very simple take on a 30+ year-old genre. (For more info about the hundreds of similar games, check this out: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Breakout_clones)

But like I said, it is not the age of the formula that drags "Brick Breaker" down. It is the piss-poor execution. "Brick Breaker" cannot stand side by side with even some of the earliest "Breakout" clones, and I can enumerate more than a few reasons why.

First, the game's "physics" are inconsistent at best and incredibly absurd at worst. Specifically, the ricocheting of the ball off of bricks and walls is unpredictable. In any normal game of this genre, the ball will reflect off any surface at the exact same angle and speed it comes in at (aside from when it hits the paddle itself, of course, which puts more angle on the reflection the closer the ball hits to the paddle's edges). In "Brick Breaker," this is not always true. Take for instance level 13. In this level, there is an "L" shaped barricade of metal, unbreakable bricks surrounding a diamond of breakable bricks, which can only be entered through a small space at the very top of the barricade. I can't count the number of times I've sent my ball up through the barricade's entrance, watched it bounce around, breaking a few bricks, and then watched in shock as the ball suddenly and inexplicably changed its angle and speed. There have even bee times when have a seen a shot ricochet off a wall in the exact opposite direction it was originally heading! WTF? Such randomness seriously detracts from the skillful angling involved in these "Breakout" style games, as a well-placed shot may without warning suddenly change direction and speed, forcing the player to chase frantically after the errant ball with little to no reward for their finesse and skill.

Beyond the game engine itself, there are many design choices that just seem plain lazy. For instance, the edges of the paddle are extremely misleading. Only the large flat surface of the paddle will reflect the ball. The substantially sized angled surfaces on both edges of the paddle allows the ball to pass on through as if they don't even exist. This is extremely unnecessary and confusing, as for all intents and purposes, it looks as if the ball would bounce up off the angled edges of the paddle. But it doesn't. So why are they even there? Just to add a bit of befuddlement and more than a few unnecessary deaths to any beginners attempts to set a high score, I guess. FAIL.

Another major design failure is in the design of the bricks themselves. First of all (quickly apply the "Chandler" voice), could they be any more bland? Even in the earliest games of the genre, the bricks were multi-colored, often creating interesting designs in each level for you to break apart. In "Brick Breaker," there is absolutely no variety in how the game looks, and it is very boring. But an even bigger problem with the bricks, one that has a serious affect on the gameplay, is that for some reason, each brick was designed with a ball's width of space to the right side. If you look closely, no bricks ever actually touch when placed side-by-side. This allows the ball to sometimes pass through a row of bricks instead of bouncing off, which in itself is bizarre. What's worse is that this design choice doesn't seem to have been made in order to reward accurate ball placement. This becomes obvious once you realize that the bricks are placed directly against the left wall of every level, with no pass-through space on that side, while there is substantial space on the right side of every brick, and between the rightmost brick and the right wall. If this was an intentional choice made to award accurate shooters, why would the designers not leave space along both walls? It doesn't make sense, and is clearly just a remnant of poor programming of the brick "characters". Whats more is that, as I stated earlier, the physics in the game are far too inaccurate to allow for precision placement where a player could intentionally send a ball between bricks; it just happens when the ball randomly finds its way through one of the spaces. This all leads to the conclusion that this is simply a result of lazy designing, and is another blemish on this revered game's face.


My next issue with the game lies within its items system. Don't get me wrong, this system grants the game much of it's excitement and replayability (unlike the ever worse "Breakout" clone that comes included in ever iPod which contains no power-ups whatsoever). However, there are some unexplainable factors, which again lead to the conclusion that the designers of this game were just plain lazy. First, there are more than a handful of positive items, including but not limited to "laser," "long", "bomb," "catch," and the ever sought after "life," and only one negative one: "flip." In my opinion, I think the game would add even more excitement from upping the number of negative items, creating an even more tension. Such negative could include an item that speeds the balls up, or an item that shrinks the paddle's size. These types of items are commonplace in other "Breakout" clones, and there is no reason to leave them out, especially if you are gonna include the incredibly frustrating "flip."

A bigger gripe comes into play when a player tries to mix certain items with others. A lot of times, certain items will remove others, items that seem like they should be able to function together. Now, I completely understand and agree with the decision to have "life" remove all other items a player has picked up. It creates a nice balance to the game and seems like a very intuitive and well-thought out move. I also understand not being able to have a "laser" and "gun" simultaneously. Finally, I understand why picking up a "catch" cancels out a "multi," and vice versa, as you can't catch and aim more than one ball at a time, it would get very complicated. But why can't I use "catch" with anything? "Catch" removes the properties of every other item a player may have picked up, and it doesn't make sense. Why can't I "catch" with a "long" paddle? Or "catch" and keep my ability to fire lasers or missiles? Even more confusing is that "bomb" does the same thing! I was just playing, picked up a "long," which doubled my paddle's size, then picked up a "bomb," and my paddle returned to its original size. Why, I say, WHY?

Now for those of you who never played "Brick Breaker," understand that some items do work together. For instances, you will maintain you "laser" after picking up a "multi," or a "wrap." So it seems nonsensical that some items work together and others don't, barring the few examples I conceded above that are very plainly mutually exclusive.

A smaller gripe with the weapons deals with the "gun" powerup. This item grants you the ability to fire three missiles which are powerful enough to destroy the metal, normally unbreakable bricks. Your munitions appear under the otherwise useless "ammo" section of the scoreboard/sidebar. When you pick this item up, you are granted 3 missiles, and the "ammo" reading changes from 0 to (you guessed it) 3. But why can't I have more than 3? Say I pick up a "gun," fire off one missile, watch as my "ammo" ticks from 3 down to 2, then pick up another "gun" item. Now, intuition may lead you to think that you should now have five missiles, as 3 + 2 = 5 (Hooray for math). But much to my dismay, your ammo is capped off at 3. This really isn't a big deal, but it seems like there would be an added layer of depth if you could stock up on missiles.

Furthermore, (apply the "Seinfeld" voice) what's the deal with "slow." I see no difference in the speed of neither my ball NOR my paddle after picking up this item. I'm convinced it does absolutely nothing except give me some extra points. If that is in fact all it does and I'm not missing something, then you should call it "points," not "slow." Duh.

And "wrap" sucks. It is a hindrance, not a benefit. Whoop that trick (get 'em!).

Now I could continue my rant, detailing how some levels become near impossible and unplayable once the bricks lower down to their threshold height (um, level 16 and 13 and any other with a row of metal bricks at the very bottom), or how the background never changes (not even after making it through all 34 levels), but I think I've made my point. But if not, here it is again: GET OVER BRICK BREAKER. While it is difficult to complain about a game that comes free with any device, the sheer amount of praise this title receives is completely unwarranted. It is definitely addicting at times for the score chasers and brutally frustrating at times for the gaming sadists, but it is poorly designed, lazily thought-out, and fumblingly executed.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm on my second go-round, am nearing my high score, and just reached level 16. Please send me a "gun." PLEASE!

Love always,
The Spot

1.29.2010

Play me NOW!, Volume 1: Burnt Out and Loving It


Burnout Paradise is the best game ever.

Now before I go any further, let me make a few things immediately clear. First, I in no way believe that Burnout Paradise is in FACT the best game ever. It is surely one of the better games of this console generation, definitely the best racer of 2008, possibly the best game in the Burnout series, and maybe among the top ten best racing games of all time. Maybe.

Second, Burnout Paradise is also far and away NOT my personal favorite game of all time. My favorite title that I downloaded off the PlayStation Network? Absolutely, followed closely by that Bionic Commando remake (I think "rearmed" was the punny subtitle). My favorite racing game? Quite possibly. But definitely not my person favorite game of all time. Definitely not.

Third, I am a superlatives whore (as my co-contributor wont hesitate to tell you). I LOVE superlatives. When I like something, it immediately becomes the best there is. You make me a tasty steak, it immediately becomes the "best steak EVER." If I go to a concert and thoroughly enjoyed my experience, I will assuredly tell all my friends that it was the "best show EVER." I am the anti-Comic Book Guy--well, besides my affinity for comic books. In short, superlatives are the best thing ever. So get used to it. And on that note, I return to my original premise...

Burnout Paradise is the best game ever, and there is one word I can use to sum up why: value. In these days of $300+ game systems, $60 games, and $40+ accessories (heck, the 360 WiFi adapter is $100!), gamers are forced to be ever more selective in the games they purchase. So, barring the existence of a tree that actually does grow money, the games we purchase must be weighed primarily on the "bang-for-the-buck" factor; in other words, the game's inherent value.

This is why I can't possibly comprehend these people who neglect to research the games they buy before shelling out the big bucks. In this day and age, where videogame reviews are readily available at sites like IGN and Gamespot, and are even amalgamated and averaged to give readers the "big picture" on sites like Gamestats and Metacritic, it is completely and utterly daft that anyone would go out and spend $50-60 on a title before seeing if it is worth the cash.

Now let's be clear: I know COUNTLESS people like this; PS3 owners who opted for MLB 2k9 (Metacritic average: 61/100) instead of the MLB 09: The Show (Metacritic average: 90/100), people who bought Kane and Lynch because the commercials just looked soooo bad ass, owners of ANY Sonic the Hedgehog title of this console generation (and the last, really), and other idiots of a similar flavor. Granted, critics are not always right. And sometimes an afinity for a certain genre will bump any score up a point or two. But when Gamespot, IGN, AND Gamepro all give Sonic and the Black Knight for Wii a 50% or lower, how can you possibly justify spending $50 on it? You wouldn't be happy with a 50% on an exam, would you? In fact, you should be infuriated with such a score. And I don't know about you, but the day I spend $50 to be infuriated is the day Super Mario jumps out of my television and proceeds to burn down my newly purchased color-coordinated drapes and bed spread with a freshly picked fire flower.

But back to my original premise: what grants a game "value?" Length? Replayability? Ingenious design? Jaw-dropping graphics? Tight controls? Enveloping atmosphere? Really, it is an amalgum of all these qualities, as a derth in any of these categories can result in frustration and anger, results not worth paying the big bucks for. What gamers are looking for these days is the whole package. And let it ring through the halls and be belted from the rooftops: Burnout Paradise is the whole package and then some (perhaps even the proverbial bag of potato chips).

Now I could spend another thirty paragraphs reciting in detail every feature and functionality of the title, but I already wrote nine, none of which discuss any real details about the game whatsoever. So in the interest of brevity and reader sanity, I'll boil it down to the basics. Four things give Burnout Paradise incredible value:
  1. Longevity: The numbers say it all. To acquire the highest "license" in the game, you have to complete 210 of the game's visceral events. On top of that, their are many optional "side quests" to tackle, like busting all 120 billboards, smashing all 75 road blocks, and launching off all 50 Super Jump ramps. Add in 80+ different cars to collect and 300 online challenges to play with friends, and you have one game literally bursting with content (I didn't even mention the street-based "Burning Ride" time trials, the wreck-tacular "Showtime" challenges, and all of the downloadable content Criterion keeps adding). I played this game for weeks on end and still haven't found everything. If you are an achievement whore or a super-collector, this is the game for you.
  2. Freedom: Paradise indeed. The entire game takes place on the large and diverse "Paradise Island."All of the events are open from the start and can be initiated by revving you engine at the many intersections that litter the island. They can be tackled in any order, or in reality, can't be left alone completely. The decision is entirely in the player's hands. Want to burn through all of the events as quickly as possible? Go for it. Want to hunt down those elusive Super Jump ramps? Do the damn thing. Want to see how long you can last driving at top speed through oncoming traffic? Hit it, daredevil. In Burnout Paradise, the world is wide open and waiting to be torn apart (that's what she said?)
  3. Blistering speed: None of this would matter, however, if the game wasn't fun to play. But I assure you, "Fun" is Burnout Paradise's oft-laughed at middle name (it was originally Jarvis at birth, but he changed once he graduated high school because he thought "Fun" served more of a purpose and was less butler-esque). The cars in this game fly. Like, FLY. I've never before felt such a realistic sense of speed while playing a video game. And with great speed comes great crashes, and Burnout Paradise does not skimp on the nitty-gritty. When your car suffers a fatal crash at a high speed, the game will jump into a slow motion close-up, framing the incredible damage your vehicle suffers as it tumbles down the street. Even after acquiring my "Elite License," I still found it enthralling to simply drive around the island at break-neck speeds, pulling off masterful turns, hitting a super jump or two, and causing spectacular multiple-car pileups on the freeway akin to the opening scene of "Final Destination 2."
  4. Price Tag: For all of this content and fun game play I would not shy away from paying the full $60 price tag. But prepare to drop your jaws: this game is currently available for $20! What's more, you can save yourself a trip to the local GameStop, because this title can be downloaded straight to your gaming platform via services like Direct2Drive, the Xbox Live Marketplace, or the Playstation Store. And for an extra $10, you can pick up the "Ultimate Box" edition, which includes all new motorcycle events and a party mode to play with your homies. People, this is value defined: loads of fun content for a teeny-tiny price.

    If you are interested in more specifics about the game, check out the sites mentioned above for full reviews. But just know that if you are looking for value in every last video game-loving dollar, you need look nowhere else. Burnout Paradise is the real deal. Check it. Now I'm gonna go wreck it.

    Poposaurus: The Commencement Address

    To come...