Red Carpet
7:03 -- Mila Kunis talking to Tim Gunn on the red carpet. As usual, she looks stunning, and while all of America is staring longingly at her chest, Gunn is of course focused solely on her dress. Unfair.
7:14 -- Wow, Jennifer Lawrence, wow. Not only is she a knock-out, but a Jeff Bridges fan too! Any girl that can readily quote The Dude gets bonus points in my book, that's for sure.
7:28 -- Wait...Cate Blanchett is Australian? Coulda swore she was a brit. That's like the same thing, right?
7:30 -- Sunrise? Sunrise!? Mark Ruffalo's wife's name is SUNRISE!?!?
7:40 -- Manny of Modern Family tours the Governor's Ball, eats with Wolfgang Puck, and hits on Nicole Kidman. Lucky kid, and pretty damn funny in real life, it seems. Good for you.
7:47 -- Hollering at Wikipedia over the commercial break to find out why it's called an "Oscar." Nothing terribly helpful in that area, but I did find this tidbit very interesting: "Since 1950, the statuettes have been legally encumbered by the requirement that neither winners nor their heirs may sell the statuettes without first offering to sell them back to the Academy for US$1. If a winner refuses to agree to this stipulation, then the Academy keeps the statuette. Academy Awards not protected by this agreement have been sold in public auctions and private deals for six-figure sums.[18]" #oscartrivia
7:54 -- Digging the white tie, RDJ. Very classy, my friend. Sometimes I forget he's not actually Tony Stark.
8:01 -- Ok, I think that's my pick for best dressed (so far): Jennifer Hudson.
8:23 -- Bored already. This does not bode well...
The Show
8:32 -- And away we go...
8:37 -- "I have good news from the future: microphones get smaller." Loving this whole sketch. "You just go inceptioned!"
8:42 -- Is it just me, or does James Franco seem a bit rattled? Anne just seems much more calm natural, and James is looking a bit stiff by comparison. Not saying he's not in a nerve-racking position, but I'm just a little suprised; I kind of expected him to steal the show.
8:47 -- And the Oscar for Best Art Direction goes to Alice in Wonderland. Wacky world of Tim Burton, indeed.
8:49 -- And the Oscar for Best Cinematography goes to Wally Pfister - Inception. You think this guy knows he has glasses on his forehead? Probably not.
8:55 -- Oh wow. Gotta have a lot of respect for Kirk Douglas, but that delivery was a little scary. Good for him to be up their making jokes, but those nominees must be LOSING IT. But anyway, the award for Best Supporting Actress goes, much deservedly, to Melissa Leo. She was unreal in The Fighter; no surprises here. And great speech too! Way to drop the F-bomb, Melissa. Can't wait for the next season of "Treme."
9:01 -- The girlfriend (about JT and Mila Kunis presenting together): "Oh my god. If they made babies together I would eat them." Not really sure what that means, but I think I agree. And the Oscar for Best Animated Short goes to The Lost Thing. And wow, talk about Mr. Short and Mr. Tall!
9:05 -- And the oscar for Best Animated Feature goes to Toy Story 3. Oh, spanish Buzz, how you've forever changed the face of film.
9:14 -- Nice tuxes, boys. And the oscar for Best Adapted Screenplay goes to The Social Network. The first of many if you ask me. Is it just me, or does Aaron Sorkin kind of look like the gay guy from "How I Met Your Mother" that buys Lilly's painting just for the frame?
9:18 -- And the oscar for Best Original Screenplay goes to The King's Speech. Interesting that two two favorites for best picture are the winner's in these two categories. We'll see how this plays out as the show continues, but the former has my vote.
9:20 -- Oh no, poor Melissa Leo. I sure hope her f-bomb doesn't completely overshadow her win, because she was absolutely show-stopping in The Fighter.
9:24 -- Wow! Belt it, Anne! Funny song, but even better vocals. Prediction: she will make her way onto Glee some time very soon.
9:25 -- And the Charlie Sheen joke completely redeems Franco! Fantastic.
9:28 -- And the oscar for Best Foreign Film goes to In a Better World. In a better world, I'd know this movie exists. In a better world, I would care what this women has to say. In a better world, I'd be less of a prick, and would be married to Reese Witherspoon. But alas, reality bites.
9:31 -- And the oscar for Best Supporting Actor goes to Christian Bale. Another big duh. He and Melissa completely stole the show in that film. And wow, "my beautiful wife" is an understatement. Thought he forgot her name for a second (he was just welling up), but that woman could be named Dingleberry F. Poopenmyer and she'd still be a knock-out. Nice work, Batman.
9:41 -- Just now realizing how amazing this stage is...and the oscar for Best Original Score goes to Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross - The Social Network.
9:46 -- And the oscar for Best Sound Mixing goes to More People I Don't Car About - Inception. But seriously, yawn city. Losing my focus. Play these fools off, and let's get a move on. Oh wait, more BS: the oscar for Best Sound Editing goes to Inception, again.
9:52 -- Grrrrr...can't really make fun of Celine Dion when she's in a cancer commercial...I'm in a glass case of emotion!
9:55 -- Hey look, it's 15 nerds and Marisa Tomei! Cool!
9:56 -- And the oscar for Best Makeup goes to The Wolfman. Gross indeed, Cate. Gross indeed. And the oscar for Best Costume Design goes to Alice and Wonderland.
10:01 -- Damn, I really need to watch Hustle & Flow again. What a fantastic movie.
10:03 -- "Red headed lady reaching for an apple. She's gonna take a bite, nope, she's gonna breath on in first, wipes it on her blouse."
10:06 -- Hey, Chuck can sing! Who knew?
10:11 -- Yeah, I'm sorry James, but you're just not doing it for me. Seem very distracted and uninterested. Maybe it's nerves, but come on, loosen up a bit. Anyway, the oscar for Best Short Documentary goes to Strangers No More. And the osacr for Best Short Film goes to God of Love. Nice fro, dude, and very sweet shout-out to the wifey.
10:17 -- Autotune win!! "Fishing for Facebook" was my favorite. Gotta love autotune.
10:20 -- And the oscar for Best Documentary goes to Oprah!! Oh wait, she seemed to have a lot to say, so I figured she had won this category somehow. Oh well, the actual winner is The Inside Job.
10:27 -- Oh Billy, you are definitely looking old these days, but you still got that charm. I'd be happy to have him come back and host again; definitely fills that stage better than Franco.
10:32 -- And the oscars for Best Visual Effects and Best Editing go to Inception and The Social Network, respectively. Good thing they had RDJ and Jude Law calling these two; more snoozers IMHO. But those two are definitely a funny pair. Looking forward to the Sherlock sequel. The first was a bit too "Lock, Stock" for my taste, but I still enjoyed the ride and their comical banter. And come on, Jude. Wonder Woman > Batgirl, always.
10:43 -- Taking this musical performances as a chance to change venue, may miss a few pieces of this puzzle but I'll be back soon.
10:56 -- Ok I'm back. Phew. What did I miss...oh yeah, Best Original Song goes to Randy Newman's "We Belong Together" from Toy Story 3. "She takes a bite. Chews it once, twice, three times, four times. Takes a long hard look at Randy."
11:01 -- The Office debate continues: Hilary Swank-- hot or not hot? And wtf?! Why did we have to have Hilary Swank come out to introduce someone else who is presenting the awards. Keep wasting my time, Academy, please. Anyway, for the first of our BIG FOUR awards, the oscar for Best Director goes to Tom Hooper - The King's Speech. Ruh-roh; don't know how this bodes for The Social Network's shot at Best Film, but we shall see.
11:07 -- Yada yada yada, Governor's Awards, yada yada yada. Yes, these guys deserve to be honored. No, they shouldn't do it at the end of the show when we are waiting patiently for the big finale. I thought I was trucking along fine so far, but now I am REALLY losing it. Where are my tweezers? It's time to start pulling my hair out one strand at a time.
11:12 -- Here he is, The Dude, in the flesh, looking as chill and smooth as ever. Wish he wasn't addressing each nominee individually...wasting more of my time...but for you, Jeff Bridges, I'll let it slide. I finally got my hands on a copy of Crazy Heart; really pumped to dive into that one. But back to business, our second BIG FOUR award, the winner of Best Actress is...Natalie Portman! My heart be still. If only every Long Island jew could find such success, I would...well, I definitely wouldn't be sitting here clawing at my eyes as I document this nonsense. Congrats, girl!
11:19 -- ...ok, wrap it up, Nat.
11:21 -- Welcome back, Sandra. Liking the playful digs at the nominees, making this all much more bearable. Just thinking, it'd be really cool and weird if Jesse Eisenberg took this home. Wonder if he'd be the youngest actor to win...I'll look that up later. No matter, anyway, because the oscar for Best Actor goes to Colin Firth. Ok, I really need to see this film. Was pulling for the Dude to pull the back-to-back, but I'm sure this is deserved. Nice work, man.
11:29 -- the FINAL commercial break. Couldn't be happier. And yes, Eisenberg would have been the youngest winner, but he was NOT the youngest nominee. In fact, at 27, he's the 10th youngest nominee in history. The youngest winner ever? Adrian Brody (29) for his role in The Pianist. #oscartrivia
11:32 -- Aaaaaaand here we are. The big finale, the last of our BIG FOUR, and a nicely-goateed Steven Spielberg to present the award. Based on how the show's gone so far, I think it's gotta go to The King's Speech, though I think The Social Network winning would be a bit more meaningful for whatever generational reason. But yea, the oscar goes to...
11:36 -- The King's Speech. Ok, now I really really need to see this. Seriously cleaned up this year. Congrats to all involved; I can't really muster up the strength for any legitimate commentary at this point, so, yeah, that's all I got.
11:40 -- Closing ceremonies. Don't want to take away from these kids, but HELLO, this is obviously pre-recorded. I mean, cool for you guys I guess, I never sang at the oscars. Guess I'm just bitter. Need sleep. Thanks for reading.
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